Alright, since I am in a tad of a foul mood, I am going to rant and get some stuff off my chest.
So I have got multiple things to rant about it. There nothing serious, just minor issues that are pissing me off.
- The Seagull Reader Stories Second Edition
- Freaking YouTube adds
- The ultimate supreme overlords of video game shit: Phoenix Games and their lazy, thieving partners: Dingo Animation
So one of the books I have for my Creative writing class is the Seagull Reader.... and you read the rant subjects, You know what it's called. Anyways, Good lord, the stories so far are GARBAGE. Now before you say "But BlackIronAlchemist, they obviously look for stories that meet the standards for short stories..." Well I got two rebuttals to that statement.
Rebuttal A: That's no excuse for lack of creativity
Rebuttal B: Then the bar has been set way too low
Honestly, pick your poison.
Seriously, compared to what we all do, these stories are uncreative, so far. I have read 6 stories and all I can say is bleh. The biggest issue is as I stated before; Lack of creativity. Don't believe me? Let's go over the stories.
The first story in the book is called Uncle Ben's Choice
by Chinua Achebe and the story was written in 1966... 1966, isn't that a surprise. This story is about an African man who comes home from a new years eve party drunk and finds a Mythological seductress in his bed. Now you may think this is actually creative... well it's not. It's very lazy because the ending IS TACKED ON!!!. There is no build up what so ever. And I went back and checked. And before you say it was the sixties, THAT'S NO EXCUSE! Any and all stories require at least some form of build up. The author could of said our main character sees spirits or he believes in certain things, but no, that doesn't happen. Adding insult to injury, the Author describes a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT situation in the beginning of the story that has next to NO connection to the plot. I certainly did rant about this story when I wrote the response for Creative writing. Not as server as I did here, but still.
The next story is What You Pawn I Will Redeem
by Sherman Alexie in 1966. This story isn't as bad is that first one, but it's still meh to me... actually scratch that, I HATE THIS STORY! It's about a homeless Spokane Native America man who is trying to get his "grandmothers" Powwow regalia back from a pawn shop. He's got 24 hours to got 1000 dollars for it (because the pawn shop owner treasures the regalia). Now let's go over why I hate this story.
1) Our Main character is lazy in design and unlikeable
Our Main character is the kind of person who is A) a party-er , B) a drunk, and C) a dumb ass. Basically, this is not someone you would want to hang around. Sure, he does do like one good thing in the story that I count, but that is it. AND HE FUCKING SPENDS EVERY SINGLE DAMN DOLLAR HE FUCKING GETS ON BULL SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ASSWHOLE? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED YOUR "GRANDMOTHER'S" REGALIA BACK!!! What's worse is that he isn't even sure that the Regalia in question is actually his grandmothers. That is why I keep air quoting "Grandmother." Plus his name is Jackson Jackson. Real F***ing creative author
Now I know what some of you are going to say; "BlackIronAlchemist, those are good examples of Character flaws, you need to go back to class." NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! Those character flaws are Jackson's personality. He only does one good thing that I count in the story. That is not enough to counter weigh the issues.
2) Supporting characters? What's that?
Jackson's main friends are just like him. Nothing to like whatsoever and they are just as bad as him if not worse. They F***ing leave him for no reason whatsoever. One goes across the country to live on a reservation and the other wanders off and dies from exposure in another state. Now you may think this is an important development in the story but nope, the author brings these up and drops them instantly and they are never mentioned again. You know, this is a few elements away from being a big lipped alligator moment.
3) This is a depressing story and it does not help at all.
Seriously, a lot of people die in this story. And sometimes it comes out of nowhere. It's very jarring to read about one of the characters committing Suicide. Plus I don't think depressing was what the author was going for.
And I don't want to hear it is just a short story. Bullshit, that is no excuse.
The next story I will mention is...ummm.... actually I am not going to continue this. I want to get to the other rant subjects.
The YouTube ads... THEY ARE GETTING WORSE! Have you guys noticed that recently? It's especially bad on the consoles because now there is an ad on nearly EVERY video I watch. This did not happen before until recently. And I got the feeling that ads are being shown on channels that should not have ads shown. And of coruse the majority of the ads are dumb and/or gross. But here is the cherry on top of the shit sundae. I saw an ad where someone was doing a Vlog... WHAT?!?! WHAT AM I LOOKING AT!?!?! I didn't entertain the ad and I honestly hope that this was just an add and not an actual Vlog.
And finally: The ultimate supreme overlords of video game shit: Phoenix Games and their lazy, thieving partners: Dingo Animation.
Oh boy, these F***ers are something else. So Phoenix games is a ultra obscure and I mean ULTRA obscure gaming company. They are based in the UK and they are so far the WORST video gaming company in existance. You thought active enterprises and Titus where bad? Honey, don't bother sitting down because you will get right back up. Phoenix games basically rush out broken, unfinished games to make a VERY quick buck. Some of their most famous Abyss spawns are Dalmations 3, White Van racer, Animal soccer world, and London cab challenge. Since 2 of the mentioned games are the result of Phoenix games collabing, I will talk about the ones they actually made themselves. I have only seen footage from London cab challenge from DXFan619's video on Phoenix games. London Cab Challenge is a master piece of failure. It is broken beyond all belief; the graphics are low res to the point where the grass looks like water, the physics makes the car like a bumper car, the game is unstable and textures phase in and out, The game goes too fast, the controls are on a delay, and the loading screens are on par with Sonic 06 in length.
Before I talk about the collab games, I need to explain Dingo Animation.
DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON DINGO ANIMATION. They are a german animation company... AND THEY ARE THE WORST ANIMATION COMPANY SO FAR. Let's get the elephant out of the room: THEY ARE THIEVES!!! Everything they make is a rip of another animation companies work like Disney. So what are there animations like? SWEATSHOP EVERYTHING!!! Sweatshop Animation, Sweatshop voice acting, Sweatshop writing, and Sweatshop directing. The animation is so lazy and poor that it makes food fight and the Christmas tree look like masterpieces. The Voice acting is done by people who don't even give a shit and some don't even speak proper English with the shittiest recording equipment ever. This voice acting makes the Zelda CDI games look like mastepieces. You'll be seeing those comparisons a lot. Oh, and by the way; The audio randomly cuts out at times in these cartoons and all you here is the freaking ambiance. As you can expect, the stories for these "Animations" are a joke.
Please tell me all the companies Dingo Animation stole from sued Dingo's asses into oblivion.
Honestly, I would rather marathon Food Fight, Sharknado, The Room, and The Christmas tree than watch something from Dingo Animation.
So let's look at Dalmatians 3 for the PS2. This is one of the Dingo Animation collab games. So besides the Cthulhu spawn animation, is it has on the disc, "a compilation of simple as shit mini games" (from Caddicarus' review). Oh and guess what? if you get the game, you'll only get to play it ONCE! It overworks your PS2 and warps the disc, making it unplayable.
So you want to know why Phoenix games are such greedy bastards? Well here is the excerpt that DXFan619 grabbed from the Companies defunct website of the Companies profile:
"With a small elite team of 6 people specializing in licensing, Marketing and publishing of Value priced games, development and manufacturing are bundled
through outsourcing and collaboration. This approach suppresses our fixed costs and enables a revolutionary low prices strategy. Phoenix aim is to bring
Quality product to the market at remarkable prices, thus maximizing sales for the developers. We boast the shortest time required from development to product
releases in the industry. Ordinarily the average development period for a game is 18 months, whereas Phoenix need a mere 3-5 months. With integrated
standards in production and packaging it is now possible to realize low costs through stabilization of variable costs and suppression of fixed costs."
And here is the real kicker here. DXFan619 had a screenshot of the company websites language page and guess what it said in one part of the screen: "The only European super budget publisher." Just let that sink in for a little bit.
So here is my last words on these two "companies."
Dingo Animation: FUCK OFF YOU LAZY, THIEVING BASTARDS!!! Good lord, why are you Shit heads even animators?!?!?! You obliviously never wanted to be animators. I honestly think you are a fake company and your just trolling the world.
Phoenix games: They are the gaming equivalent of the dollar store. You know those piece of shit toys that break once you apply the tiniest amount of pressure to them 1 second after you get them? That is what Phoenix Games games are like. Their games are not Hell spawn, they are ABYSS SPAWN! This is the kind of shit Cthulhu and Dagon would make to Fuck with people.
Here is some You Tubers that have reviewed Phoenix Games games:
check out their reviews if you want to witness the terror that is Phoenix Games and Dingo Animation
I have been wanting to rant about these two companies for long ass time. Thank god that I finally did so.